Thursday 20 April 2017 by Spacey

Nigel Farage considering eighth attempt at gaining access to Parliament’s subsidised bars


Nigel Farage to run for parliament

Nigel Farage has revealed he is considering making yet another attempt at gaining unfettered access to the taxpayer-subsidised bars in the Houses of Parliament.

Mr Farage, who has failed to gain entry to the discount piss-up on seven previous occasions, said that he had reached the decision after careful consideration.

“It was important to work out where I would be best positioned during Brexit negotiations,” he said.

“I concluded that propping up a bar in Strasbourg wasn’t as cost effective as being slumped over a table in the Palace of Westminster.”

Ukip leader Paul Nuttall will be hoping he can emulate the achievements of his predecessor.

“Nigel has failed to become an MP on seven occasions,” he said.

“He once lost to a man dressed as a dolphin.

“To lose so often and so spectacularly while still being portrayed by the media as ‘successful’ is truly inspirational.”

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