Wednesday 19 April 2017 by Russell Brand

Russell Brand, voters warned


Russell Brand

The prospect of a General Election means increasing amounts of Russell Brand, voters have been warned.

Theresa May’s decision to risk the country’s sanity on the 8th of June, plus record levels of voter apathy, have ensured the risk of Russell Brand is greater than at any time since May 2015.

Experts say the current political climate is ripe for sub-undergraduate cockspill masquerading as ‘arguments’, and is sure to entice Brand to come back off the heroin.

The comedian cum shit-musketeer is expected to interview Labour apparition, Jeremy Corbyn, in an effort to bring out his likeable qualities, because that worked so fucking well two years ago.

“I shall be engaging wiv the electorate right after I’m done shagging this ‘ere bird,” he confirmed earlier.

Corbyn said, “I have been an admirer of Russell’s ideas since stumbling upon a copy of Revolution in an Islington charity shop bucket.

“He offers a piercing insight into our neo-liberal economic malaise, the damaging Tory housing crisis and coked-up skanks in hotel bars.”

Brand added, “People of Britain, it’s down to you to get out there and cast your votey-wote.”

But this morning, undecided voter, Simon Williams, reminded everyone: “Fucking pricky-wick.”

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