Friday 14 April 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Chirpy charity prick in a chicken costume not helping


Man in chicken costume

It has been widely reported that a chirpy charity prick in a chicken costume is making everyone’s morning considerably worse.

The chirpy charity prick is said to be operating in Nottingham station, he is reportedly flapping his ‘wings’, shouting ‘cock-a-doodle-doo,’ and mimicking the act of laying an egg.

There are also unconfirmed reports that the chirpy charity prick has a female companion who seems to be encouraging him with phrases such as ‘God, Marcus, you’re hilarious, you’re freaking all these office drones well out’.

Simon Williams, a benefits supervisor in central Nottingham claims to have experienced the chirpy charity prick first hand.

“I was in a good mood. You know, the sun was out, I was listening to some Four Tops,” said a visibly irritated Mr Williams.

“And then this giggling arsehat in a chicken costume bounds up to me, offers me a ‘free hug,’ and when I threaten to beat him until all is stupid feathers fall off, he tells me to chill out because it’s for charity, as if that somehow excuses this brazen Nobneckery.

“You try and get on with your life, but that sort of bullshit really doesn’t help.”

It is understood that, despite all common sense seeming to indicate that charities would receive a far greater number of donations if they just left everyone alone, they fully intend to continue on with this sort of nonsense.

Further reports are now being received of a chirpy charity prick in a chicken costume being admitted to Nottingham’s Queen’s Medical Centre with a Charity collection box lodged in his alimentary canal.

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