Friday 7 April 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Everyone except you is wrong about everything, finds study


Man unhappy as everyone else is wrong

A new study has found conclusively that literally everyone except you is completely wrong about absolutely everything.

The survey, commissioned by you, consisted of you looking at a number of comments threads, noting that the most people held different opinions to you, and extrapolating that everyone is wrong about everything except you.

The study covered a number of topics, including Brexit, the Great British Bake Off, and the best Spice Girls song. In every instance, you were the only one who was correct, with the vast majority of other people being idiots.

There was a moment where it briefly appeared that someone else wasn’t wrong regarding the correct order of Star Trek films by quality, but when you realised that that person had rated First Contact above the Undiscovered Country and therefore was wrong.

Like everyone is about everything.

Simon Williams is a Professor of you at Oxford University, he explained, “The findings of the study don’t really surprise me hugely,

“You have long suspected that everyone is wrong except you, so a study by you confirming that fact is no real shock.”

Professor Williams offered some advice for you.

“Well, you have two options; you could either adopt a little humility and try to learn from other people, or you could just hit the Internet and insult people in as crude and uncreative manner as possible.”

There was a brief moment when you considered Professor Williams’ advice before calling him a ‘big f**k’ and returning to an Internet debate about which is the best cat.

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