Friday 7 April 2017 by Neil Tollfree

City built on rock and roll ‘dangerously unstable’


Civil engineer, city built on rock and roll

A city that was built on rock and roll in the eighties has been declared ‘dangerously unstable’ by safety experts.

“Cities need solid foundations,” said Professor Eleanor Gay, a world-renowned expert in both building cities and rock and roll.

“Rock and roll, for all its many qualities, simply can’t function – from an engineering perspective – as that foundation.”

Simon Williams is a founding resident of the city.

“I remember when we built this city on rock and roll,” he said wistfully.

“We could have either built it here, on the rock and roll, or just on the other side of the hill on a load of sedimentary stone.

Initially, we were quite keen on the area of sedimentary stone, but then Marconi played the Mamba and we listened to the radio and… well, I think anyone can understand why we built this city on rock and roll.”

Professor Gay went on to describe what could happen.

“Well, someone could steal the stage which, if you just want to dance there, isn’t great, but the worst-case scenario for a city built on rock and roll is that you end up knee deep in the hoopla, which sounds awful.”

Mr Williams, however, remained positive.

“I suppose, if we really need to, we could build a new city. In fact, there’s a couple of great sites about ten miles away, one’s a foundation of metamorphic rock, and the other’s got a foundation of 90s R&B.

“I’m sure we’ll make the right choice.”

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