Wednesday 5 April 2017 by Harry Palmer

United Nations to send Kendall Jenner to Syria with a truck load of Pepsi


Kendall Jenner

The UN has asked fashion model Kendall Jenner to intervene in the conflict in Syria by taking cans of Pepsi to bring the government and rebel forces together.

“The Security Council watched the Pepsi advert starring Kendall,” says UN Secretary General Antonio Guterres.

‘We hadn’t realised that the combination of sugary drinks and a supermodel could be so effective in conflict resolution.

“If the sweet taste of Pepsi can bring together protestors and cops in the way shown in their advert, then I think we can look forward to this savage civil war being brought to an end pretty damn quickly.”

If successful, the UN will consider rolling out the introduction of Pepsi to areas of conflict throughout the world.

“Yes, we think we can keep Kendall busy for quite a while,” says Guterres.

“After Syria she can head to Yemen and then on to Libya, Sudan, Somalia and Uganda.

“If her Midas touch continues we may even send her to Labour Party headquarters, though this might be a bit too optimistic.”

However, hopes of a Pepsi-based resolution to the Syria conflict appear to have suffered an early setback after rebel leaders said they will refuse to meet with Jenner unless she brings some real Coke, or preferably Irn Bru.

Meanwhile, Theresa May has expressed her horror at the recent gas attack carried out by government forces and has said she will condemn the use of chemical weapons in the strongest possible terms when she meets President Assad later for trade talks.

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