Wednesday 5 April 2017 by Pete Redfern

North Korea declares victory in war against sea after years of intensive missile strikes


North Korea

Rogue state North Korea has today declared victory in its longstanding conflict with the mass of water between itself and Japan.

The announcement comes the day after another missile was fired deliberately at the Sea of Japan as part of the country’s battle to curb the waves of democracy lapping relentlessly against the North Korean eastern coastline.

A spokesman for DPRK announced via the Korean Central News Agency: “This is a golden day for our entirely peaceful and scientific country. The Sea of Japan, our neighbour and biggest threat, has surrendered!

“After our missile strike yesterday I went down to the beach and the sea just looked defeated. It could only muster a few little waves and a couple of ripples in the face of our mighty and awesome power.”

He continued, “No longer will we be attacked by wave after wave of water from the Sea of Japan, and its twice-daily tidal encroachments which threaten to bring the horror and misery of democracy to our glorious land.”

Beaming proudly, he added, “Now that we have defeated the sea I feel confident that destroying Donald Trump’s bloated wobbly mass will be no problem.”

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