Tuesday 4 April 2017 by Tom Moore

Planet Earth votes to leave its orbit around the Sun


Planet Earth referendum

The people of planet Earth have today voted to leave their current trajectory around the Sun and take back control of their seasons.

The surprise result will see the Earth leave the orbit of the star at the centre of the solar system and float aimlessly through the galaxy until all life on the planet expires.

Earth has been in orbit around the Sun for approximately 4.5 billion years with many experts crediting the Sun for helping form the foundations of the planet from nebula cloud.

Simon Williams, head of the Department for Leaving the orbit around the Sun and sun-sceptic, told us, “It’s time we took back control of our seasons from this bureaucratic sphere of molten plasma.

“The people have spoken. No longer will the Sun determine the length of our summers, or the bitterness of our winters.

“We have given so much to the Sun for so long and got very little in return.”

Experts, however, have disputed this claim and have warned that without the Sun, the Earth will face years of darkness and uncertainty.

“This is scaremongering of the highest order,” said Simon.

“These so-called experts have absolutely no idea what they are talking about. We did not choose this solar system; it was forced upon us billions of years ago when the galaxy was a very different place. It’s an outdated, antiquated, bureaucratic gravitational curvature which leaves us with no control over our own destiny.

“I am certain that without the Sun, we will all have a brighter future.”

The Moon is expected to call an immediate referendum to see if it now wants to stay part of the Earth or remain with the Sun.

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