Tuesday 4 April 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Mattress outside house with ‘please take’ on it remains untaken for fourth straight day


Old Mattress

After four days, there is still no sign that a mattress leaning against a wall outside a house with a ‘Please take’ note pinned to it is any closer to actually being taken.

The mattress, a large pale blue double-size with a stain of indeterminate colour across one side, appeared outside the house in Basingstoke at the end of last week.

“I can’t understand why it’s not going,” said Simon Williams, former owner of the mattress.

“It’s top quality, I was going to ask for a fiver for it, but in the end, I thought it would be too much bother.”

However, when quizzed about the stain, Mr Williams remained elusive.

“Yeah, No, that? That’s just normal wear and tear, mate. Nothing to worry about.

“Can’t understand it. It’s a blinding mattress. I mean, it’s a bit damp after the storm on Friday but you just stick it in a room with the central heating on for a week or so and it’ll be sorted.”

Mr Williams’ surprise at the lack of interest in the mattress comes after a far happier previous experience with a television.

“Yeah, it was this big old 36-inch CRT one. You know, one of them old ones that takes two men to carry? Decent too, had its own stand, and nearly all the buttons on the remote worked.”

“Anyone, we left it out on the Sunday evening, and by Monday it was gone.

“I mean, granted, they found a smashed up old CRT TV in next doors front garden, but I reckon that was just a coincidence.”

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