Monday 3 April 2017 by Gary Stanton and Spacey

Shit-flinging Gibraltar monkeys are ‘missing link’ between UKIP voters and modern humans


Gibraltar monkeys

Barbary macaques on the island of Gibraltar are the missing link between UKIP voters and the rest of humanity, scientists have confirmed.

The discovery was made after boffins noticed striking similarities between a Barbary monkey’s fulsome arse and UKIP leader Paul Nuttall’s shiny head.

However, the monkeys were found to be one step higher on the evolutionary chain than UKIP supporters and perform far better at SATS tests.

Primate expert, Simon Williams, said, “These shit-flinging monkeys are the long sought after link between Homo Erectus and the UKIP hominid Homo Cuntius.

“The apes enjoy a healthy diet of fresh fruit and vegetables whereas the UKIPs survive on the Daily Mail and regurgitated racial ‘banter’.

“Although we’ve seen their numbers dwindle, UKIP voters remain a popular tourist attraction in places like Stoke-on-Trent.”

He added, “Both species have an intense dislike of outsiders and will always bite when provoked.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: