Monday 3 April 2017 by Spacey and Gary Stanton

Government deflects criticism of welfare cuts by redefining term ‘c*nts’


Philip Hammond

After previously changing the definition of ‘poverty’, the Government have moved to deflect criticism of further welfare cuts by also redefining ‘cunts’.

Current definitions would see the government categorised as ‘massive cunts’, but the change will see them continuing to be described by the media as ‘fair’.

With some critics arguing that ‘cunt’ should be the collective noun for Tories, lexicographer Simon Williams questioned the change.

“Conservatives describe the decisions they make about the welfare system as ‘difficult’ and the cuts as ‘necessary’,” he explained.

“However, the frequency and predictability of the cuts would suggest they are in fact piss-easy and purely ideological.

“When Iain Duncan Smith considers himself a ‘compassionate’ Conservative you have to wonder what the point of language is.”

Amongst others expected to benefit from the reclassification include former Top Gear presenters, Daily Mail readers and the Pope.

The changes also mean that hundreds of UKIP voters who could previously be labelled as cunts, have now been downgraded to twats.

Meanwhile, the word cunt, deemed offensive by some cunts, will be replaced in the Oxford English Dictionary by “Littlejohn”.

Countdown’s Susie Dent, said: “The word Littlejohn provokes the same visceral reaction as the word cunt and scores you more points at Scrabble.”

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