Thursday 30 March 2017 by Davywavy and Smithy

Nice continent you have there, shame if anything were to… happen to it, Britain tells EU


Amber Rudd

The UK has channelled its inner Mafioso by saying it might choose to look the other way on any EU-related terrorism intelligence it happens across, if it does not get what it wants in Brexit negotiations.

With a menacing stare, Home Secretary Amber Rudd told gathered reporters, “Europe is lovely, really lovely, and I’m sure we all want to keep it that way, don’t we?

“It would be horrible, absolutely horrible if some terrorist organisation were to make a mess of the place when maybe someone, maybe one of your friends, might have known something that could have prevented it.

“Now, some of you liberal snowflakes might call this a protection racket, but I prefer to think of it a robust negotiating position.”

“The safety and security of Europe’s people is clearly a negotiation chip just like all the others.

“They want to avoid terrorists going around killing their people, and we want our cars to be sold in Europe without any tariffs – I’m pretty sure we can find a way to make each other happy here.”

When told of developments in the Brexit negotiations, the head of one of New York’s leading ‘families’ told sources, “Gesù, lei ha enormi palle.”

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