Wednesday 29 March 2017

This will be fine, everything will be fine, Theresa May repeatedly tells Downing Street mirror


Theresa May talks to mirror

Theresa May’s Downing Street dressing room has this morning been treated to a lengthy monologue about how this will all definitely be fine, according to sources.

For almost two hours, the Prime Minister and her reflection repeatedly reassured each other that triggering Article 50 and formally starting the Brexit process won’t be the start of something that will ruin her entire political career and tarnish her reputation forever.

The PM told the polished surface in front of her, “I mean, I’m doing what the people want, right? And doing what the people want is always a good thing, isn’t it?

“Really, what is the worst that can happen – well, not the very worst, because that would be unthinkable, but the sort of medium worst? I suppose that would be a struggling economy, a falling pound, people being a bit poorer, life being a bit more difficult for the average citizen, rampant nationalist jingoism, more divided communities – but people won’t blame me for that, will they?”

“No, I’m sure they will lay the blame firmly at their own decision to vote Leave – that would be the normal, rational thing to do, wouldn’t it? – and ‘normal and rational’ perfectly describes the British electorate, right?”

The Prime Minister’s session in front of the mirror concluded with fifteen minutes spent practising her ‘I am in control of everything and this is what I expected to happen’ face.

Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt here!

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