Wednesday 29 March 2017 by Davywavy and Wilde Thingy

Civilisation just a phase, confirm experts


Civilisation just a phase

Civilisation is just a phase that humanity is rapidly growing out of, according to experts today.

Human civilisation, which is usually characterised by a growth of peaceful networks designed for the non-violent resolution of disputes resulting in an increase in mutual prosperity, is ‘old hat’ and we should expect to see an exciting new phase in development sooner rather than later.

“I use the word ‘exciting’ in its most literal, terrifying sense,” said Professor Simon Williams of the Institute of Oh Heck What Now Studies at Cambridge University.

“The march of civilisation can be said to have begun with the construction of the first known enclosed building at Ur on the Chaldees in about 9000 BC, and it’s been uphill from there, more or less.

“So it’s had a pretty good run, but now humanity is set – to use an analogy – to pupate and adopt an entirely different social form which we expect to feature souped-up desert buggies, scavenging for food and dispute resolution via Thunderdome.

“Which I think we can all agree won’t be dull.”

Speaking from Scotland, Nicola Sturgeon today explained that while breaking a 40-year union is an utter shitshow, breaking a 300-year one will be dead easy and will make everything better for everyone.

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