Tuesday 28 March 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Suspicious package left outside White House turns out to be United States Constitution


White House constitution

The White House was placed on lockdown today over what turned out to be a copy of the United States Constitution.

The suspicious package was spied by a Trump supporter who suggested the package “looked like it posed a serious threat to the Commander-In-Chief”.

“It looked like a book, which is incredibly dangerous anyway,” said Trump supporter, Simon Williams.

“Then bomb disposal teams confirmed my worst fears: it was a book spouting ideas of democracy, of justice and liberty for all. Balls to that.

“I hope they burn it, just like all the other books, but in a way totally different from how the Nazis did it, obviously.”

Bomb disposal experts were called, and one confirmed that “we were called to the scene at 1pm EST, amid reports of a suspicious package.

“Upon closer inspection we realised it was basically a slim book, the kind it would take Donald Trump several years to read.

“We had no reason to take further action but were given orders to destroy the United States Constitution in a controlled explosion, if only to further the metaphor.”

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