Monday 27 March 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Man feeling a bit chilly declares it to be proof that global warming is hoax


Global warming

The scientific community has been rocked by the news that a man has proof that global warming is a hoax in the form of him feeling a little bit cold.

“Global warming is a myth,” said free-thinker and truth-teller Simon Williams.

“If the earth truly was heating up then surely I wouldn’t feel a bit chilly, but I do. Wake up sheeple!”

The scientific community was immediately thrown into turmoil.

“Damn it, he’s got us there,” said a so-called global warming ‘expert’.

“I admit it, we’ve been perpetrating this global warming stuff to try and impress girls. All the science behind it is bogus.

“The polar ice-caps are melting because we left the door to our scientific lab open with the central heating on full-blast.

“The seas are warming because Barry the scientist gets up really early each morning, boils a kettle, and pours the water into the sea just before we take the temperature.

“Flooding in Bangladesh and Thailand is just because someone left the taps on.

“I’ll have to give up my cosy, grant-funded existence as a bogus global warming ‘scientist’ now – does anyone want to buy a lab-coat?”

It is understood that Mr Williams’ next target is the moon landings, claiming that “you can definitely see Stanley Kubrick reflected in Neil Armstrong’s visor.”

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