Friday 24 March 2017

Daily Mail insists Google is absolutely necessary when learning how to drive a car into people


Daily Mail thinks you need Google to learn to drive into people

Driving a car into crowds of people is a terrorist tactic for which you need complex instructions from the Internet, according to the Daily Mail.

After a front page revelation that just two-minutes on the Google search engine can give you instructions on how to drive your car into people, many Daily Mail readers have been left shocked that such information was so readily available online.

The findings have been backed up by budding jihadists, such as Saihaan Al-Williams, who told us, “I support ISIS and want to hurt a lot of people; I also have a drivers licence and a car, but I just can’t join seem to join those dots together without the help of Google.

“Thankfully, I am as bright as three Daily Mail journalists so it was only two minutes before I could find a web page which said ‘press the accelerator and point your car towards people’.

“Without it, I would definitely still be at home scratching my head about how to make my dastardly plan a reality.”

Daily Mail reader Derek Matthews spoke of his outrage at the findings: “I cannot believe that instructions on how to put a car in gear and turn the steering wheel until it is pointing towards people is ALLOWED on the Internet – what do we expect is going to happen when the web is full of vile stuff like this??

“Google should go to prison! Even though it’s like a holiday camp in there, obviously.”

However, one non-Mail reader explained, “The reason it took the Mail reporters so long to find that information is because using Google is technically what journalists call ‘research’, and if you’ve spent your entire career making stuff up that can be a difficult skill to master.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader) – get the t-shirt!

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