Friday 24 March 2017 by Neil Tollfree

‘Clean up my filthy excrement foolish human’ laughs tiny despotic dog


Small dog demands shit be picked up by human

A small dog has mercilessly mocked a human being for having to clean up the animal’s mess.

The incident occurred at a park in Brighton earlier.

“I am Dinky the dog, otherwise known as Dinkmeister the destroyer, and humanity is in my thrall,” barked the evil Pomeranian after the incident.

“I hereby declare that I fully intend to defecate whenever and wherever I see fit and demand this nominated representative from humankind, who I have clearly just enslaved, follow me around to clean up my mess.”

Dinky followed up his chilling announcement by immediately excreting at both length and volume then cackling wickedly, “Now clean up my dirty mess you primitive dolt.”

“And don’t think that because I’ve just been, it doesn’t mean I won’t want to go again in a matter of minutes, and I’ll make the next one really loose and watery as well, and you, YOU, will clean it up without complaint or argument.”

The terrifying manifestation of evil in small, cute fluffy form then appeared to make a small concession.

“If you perform adequately in your menial task, I allow you to scratch behind ears as a reward.

“Now, follow me slave. At two paces!

“I’m going to go in that really muddy spot.”

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