Monday 20 March 2017 by Harry Palmer

Next Wednesday not that good for us, says EU


Article 50 triggered

The European Union has told Theresa May that it won’t be around next Wednesday and asked if she wouldn’t mind triggering Article 50 some other time.

“Next Wednesday? What’s that, the 29th?” asked President Donald Tusk sucking air in through his teeth.

“No that doesn’t work for us I’m afraid.

“We close early closing on a Wednesday, and everyone’s going on First Aid training course in the morning, so I don’t think anyone will be around.

“If Mrs May wants to slip a note under the door then whoever is first in on Thursday can pick it up. The problem with that is that our mail system is so slow and complicated that it could be months before it lands on the right desk, if at all.

“It’s probably best if we just do it another time. I’ll have a look at my diary and see when’s good.

“Unfortunately we’re just coming to our busy time of the year when we decide how best to squander taxpayers money, and I’ll be in meetings from now until Christmas.”

The Prime Minister has responded to Mr Tusk in a terse statement and confirmed that she will be triggering Article 50 next Wednesday even it means leaving a note under the recycling bin outside the European Parliament saying ‘Sorry we missed you, but while you were out we triggered Article 50 and started the formal process of leaving the EU’.

“That doesn’t work for us either,” confirmed Tusk.

“Maybe she could just write it on the side of a bus?”

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