Monday 20 March 2017 by Gary Stanton

Motorbike should make ‘full recovery’ after being crashed by twat


Richard Hammond motorbike crash

A motorbike is expected to make a full recovery after nearly being written off by notorious bell-end, Richard Hammond.

The Kawasaki 250 has reassured fans that it is “fine” after being run off the road by Top Gear arsehole Richard ‘The Hamster’ Hammond.

The bike said, “I can confirm that I sustained some damage to my fuel lines while being ridden by some shortarse with a death wish.

“There goes my fucking No Claims.”

In 2006, Hammond suffered life-threatening head injuries following another high-speed collision, prompting people to enquire after the state of the crash barrier.

The barrier was out of use for over a fortnight, before it was made good and able to host an advert for Marlboro Lights.

The bike added, “Not only does he have a death wish, he seems hellbent on taking one of us with him, the selfish prick. He should do things properly, buy a fucking gun and put it in his mouth.”

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