Monday 20 March 2017

Citizens of 2117 preparing to celebrate the centenary of ‘The Great Shooting of Own Foot’


People of the future planning party to celebrate Article 50

Citizens of 2117 are preparing ironic celebrations to mark 100 years since what used to be called the United Kingdom shot itself in the foot on the International stage.

Despite falling significantly in the global standings over the last one hundred years, the British people have retained the self-deprecating sense of humour that so many admired all those years ago.

“Yeah, it was obviously the beginning of the end, so why not celebrate the stupid thing my great great grandad did,” asked 18-year-old Xenith Williams before heading to work at the Chinese controlled mine where Birmingham used to be.

“There’s no point being cross about it, they’re all long gone, but I do take a little satisfaction from knowing he saw it all go to shit for a few years before he died.

“On the plus side, the plumber who fitted his new kitchen in 2019 was from Basingstoke, not Krakow – so all this was definitely worth it.”

Plans for the celebrations reveal there will be great puppets of the key figures, including a giant blonde balloon of Boris Johnson, who records show started at least three wars as Foreign Secretary, and guests will be invited to drive around in a bus with a massive lie of their choosing on the side of it.

Williams concluded, “Everything can be traced back to 29th March 2017 – the economy plummeting, the break-up of the Union, the pound becoming worthless, the invasion and take-over by China – so we’ll be raising a glass to those that brought us here.

“Well, a quick one at least, before heading back to our hole in the ground to ensure we’re lights out before the curfew imposed by our Chinese overlords, obviously.”

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