Sunday 19 March 2017 by Lucas Wilde

England lose to Ireland due to excessive drinking on St. Patrick’s Day


England Rugby team beaten in Ireland

England’s rugby team lost out to Ireland due to being hungover to fuck.

The lemon-shaped-ball-throwers had anticipated thrashing the Irish to complete a record-breaking winning streak.

“But then we all got hammered on St. Patrick’s Day and that plan went to shit,” sighed English prop-forward, Simon Williams.

“Strangely, we all have Irish roots. My great-grandad on my mother’s side once visited Dublin, Steve’s mate from down the road is Irish, and so on.

“So we had no real choice in the matter. We had to get plastered the night before a really quite important International rugby match.

“Honestly it’s a wonder we got through it at all, let alone that we lost by so little. I welcomed every collapsed scrum as it gave me a few seconds to lie down.”

Irish prop-forward, Sheamus O’Williams, said, “We we’re all in bed by 9:30pm.

“We kind of value doing our jobs really fucking well over and above getting pissed for no good reason.”

Simon Williams chuckled, “that’s the Irish. MENTAL.”

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