Ex-Chancellor and twice Hi-Vis Jacket Wearer of the Year has been appointed the new editor of popular pornography magazine Razzle.
Mr Osborne, one of the biggest wankers in the country, is thought to be a perfect fit for a magazine devoted to onanism.
“Being a Tory called Gideon, I have had to use pornography for most of my life to find sexual gratification,” said a clearly thrilled Mr Osborne as he announced his new position.
“As such, it is a privilege to find myself taking the reins at such an august journal as Razzle.”
It is understood that Mr Osborne will initially focus on the readers’ wives section.
“Personally, the readers’ wives section of Razzle was a favourite as I could look at Cheryl from Ruislip spread-eagled on the bonnet of her boyfriend’s Ford Cortina and imagine that one day I would be able to know the touch of a real, live naked girl like her.”
“Under my stewardship, I want Razzle to give other young Tory men across the country that same hope.”
It had earlier been reported that he was going to take over as editor of the London Evening Standard but even he wouldn’t stoop that low.