Wednesday 15 March 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Katie Hopkins cancels weekend plans to binge-watch new African famine


Katie Hopkins to binge watch TV famines

News of a new famine devastating East Africa has seen columnist Katie Hopkins cancel her plans for the weekend in order to enjoy the famine unfold without interruption.

Ms Hopkins, one of Britain’s leading shitheads, had loose plans for dinner and drinks with friends but the thought of a full-blown African famine proved too much for her

“I’m just going to take the phone off the hook, curl up on the sofa with a bottle of wine, and watch Africans starve,” she said, eyes alive with delight at the promise of a weekend of other’s suffering.

“It’s going to be a really super-indulgent weekend of me-time. Bliss.”

Ms Hopkins also revealed that she has treated herself to a brand new 54-inch, hi-definition 4K, flat screen TV to really heighten the experience.

“It’s an incredible piece of technology,” she explained.

“The super hi-definition really lets you see the individual flies. It’s just marvellous.”

However, it is likely that workaholic Katie won’t be able to completely switch off from her day job, and she is expected to regularly tweet some of her trademark incisiveness such as ‘The problem with these people is they just don’t want to work,’ ‘How difficult can it be to grow a potato,’ and something colossally offensive about gunboats.

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