Wednesday 15 March 2017 by Jack Marshall

Giant gorilla cleared of murdering twelve people


King Kong cleared of murder

A giant gorilla who ate a dozen alleged mercenaries that trespassed on his land has sensationally been cleared of their murders.

King Kong, 84, insisted that he only used reasonable force to defend his property – known locally as Skull Island.

The court heard how Kong’s actions were only meant to frighten off the trespassers and he was completely unaware that eating them could be fatal.

The jury took just four minutes to reach their decision.

Simon Williams – the sole survivor of the incident – denied allegations that the crew of the SS Venture had intended to do Kong any harm.

“It’s nonsense. My friends and I were on a fishing trip and got lost. That’s why we brought rocket-propelled grenades; to catch some haddock.

“We certainly had no intention of capturing Kong and exhibiting him in New York, Las Vegas and Blackpool Pleasure Beach.”

The acquittal of Kong – who previously served time for an assault at HMP Chester Zoo – will surprise many who have been following his case.

Things looked ominous when, early on in the trial, Kong ‘accidently’ crushed to death the lead prosecutor during a heated cross-examination.

It’s thought that the turning point came when naturalist David Attenborough appeared as a character witness for Kong and described him as a “great ape”.

Despite the verdict, the CPS insisted that it was in the public interest to prosecute Kong.

A spokesperson said, “We’re satisfied that there was sufficient evidence to put the matter before the court and we fully respect the jury’s stupid-ass decision.”

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