Tuesday 14 March 2017 by Gary Stanton

Nigel Farage’s head detonates after EU bans Muslim headscarves from workplace


Nigel Farage head exploding

Nigel Farage’s head has detonated after meddling EU chiefs banned the wearing of Muslim headscarves in the workplace.

The ban prevents workers from the “visible wearing of political, philosophical or religious signs”, including burning crosses and mobile rocket launcher earrings.

Farage experienced a critical sensory overload following the ruling, resulting in bits of his skull being found in a migrant camp across the Channel.

Surviving with only five percent of his grey matter intact, the trusty xenophobe is, however, capable of the same amount of rational thought as before the explosion.

Tapping out morse code slowly using his finger, Farage said, “This shows what the EU can achieve when we threaten to leave….–.–…—– “

“Let’s not be too hasty. Leaving the EU now would be a massive leap in the dark….—-..——.”

“I’m only saying what everyone else is thinking.”

“Has she triggered Article 50 Yet?

“Thank fuck for that.”

The former UKIP leader admits to feeling “conflicted” after the people he’s frightened of were targeted by the organisation he detests.

Meanwhile, philosophy fans say the ban is inhumane after Deutsche Bank employee, Simon Williams, was sacked when turning up for work wearing an Alain de Botton T-shirt.

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