Saturday 11 March 2017 by Charlie Chapman

‘I got this’, Donald Trump tells aliens intent on destroying planet


Donald Trump to destroy the earth

After receiving contact from extra-terrestrial life forms threatening to decimate the entire planet, US President Donald Trump quickly stepped in to inform them that he was on top of it.

A message to the aliens explained that was fully taking care of it and already had the destruction of all life on earth appropriately covered.

“Look fellas, I appreciate you guys wanting to step in and help, but I swear down I’ve got this completely under control, and am pretty damn confident that I can eradicate 100% of the world’s organisms all by myself,” the Commander-in-Chief calmly reassured them.

“I’ll get it done well within my first term of office, of that I have no doubt.

“I promise there’ll be no need to re-elect me to finish the job, not that you even could, given we’ll all be dead,” Trump added.

Intergalactic ruler of the Iguanaoid Empire, Scathan the Exterminator, responsible for authorising the Armageddon, eventually conceded that his infinite army of space warriors specifically trained for a planned attack were probably now surplus to requirements.

“I had a really great chat with Donald. It seems like he’s got everything in order and has just the qualities you look for in someone who could drastically accelerate the whole human race into extinction.

“So I guess we’ll just turn around and make the 3000 light year journey back home,” the reptilian Martian with three heads told reporters.

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