Tuesday 7 March 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Jeremy Corbyn prepares to emerge from winter hibernation


Jeremy Corbyn hibernation

Preparations are being made for Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn to emerge from his long winter hibernation.

Mr Corbyn successfully entered hibernation on 29th October of last year and expected to emerge at some point over the next couple of days.

“It is unusual,” said a spokesperson for the Labour leader.

“Not many leading politicians go through the process of hibernation, but Jeremy finds it invaluable.”

The spokesperson described the process.

“Well, in mid-October, Jeremy begins building his nest. It’s usually somewhere warm and dark. This year it was actually inside the airing cupboard.

“The nest is made up of torn up placards and bits of old donkey jacket all bound together with a physical manifestation of socialist conviction, which is actually quite sticky to the touch.

“Then Jeremy simply curls up quietly, lowers his heart rate and body temperature and, in essence, goes to sleep for four or five months.”

The preparations for Mr Corbyn’s emergence from hibernation are quite involved.

“Well, firstly, it’s important to make sure the toilet’s free, and then he’ll need sustenance, so we’ve got a load of Vesta boil-in-the-bag vegetarian curries in.

“Then the final stage is to get a load of people who agree with him shouting ‘Jez we can’ at him, and he’ll be back to normal.”

It is expected that following Mr Corbyn’s emergence from hibernation into a world of hard Brexit and Marine Le Pen, his priority will be to hold another leadership election because he always enjoys them.

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