Monday 6 March 2017 by Dan Sweryt

Bros scrap majority of tour dates after learning they’re not famous yet


Bros Reunion

Bros have had to cancel reunion gigs in Newcastle, Glasgow, Nottingham and Birmingham after the venues informed them they weren’t famous.

Lead brother, Matt Goss, attempted to rebook the arenas at a time in the future but asked the venues for advice regarding when exactly they would be famous.

The venue said, “We can’t answer.”

Inferior brother, Luke, kept asking the question he wasn’t supposed to mention, but the venue reiterated that they couldn’t answer that.

Matt then demanded to see his picture in the papers. At which point, the venue hung up.

Band mate not joining them for the supposed ‘reunion’, Craig Logan, said, “This will really set the cat among the pigeons.

“I’m not rejoining them. I owe them nothing.

“Nothing at ooooo-wo-woo-waaaaaaaaallll.”

Winner of a TV contest in the 80s where she fainted live on Saturday Superstore, having beaten all others to title of Bros Uberfan, Simone Williams, said “Who?”

After reminding her of the 80s supergroup, she repeated, “Who?”

After a further two hours of tiresome descriptions by our reporters, she said she vaguely recalled something, but it transpired she was thinking of Brother Beyond.

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