Monday 6 March 2017 by Roy Bland

Baboon to rejoin UKIP


Baboon to rejoin UKIP

A baboon that resigned from UKIP some years ago is applying to rejoin the party.

The baboon’s keeper said the monkey had decided to rejoin after Paul Nuttall was made leader.

“The baboon expressed interest in rejoining UKIP in light of Mr Nuttall’s performance at the Stoke by-election,” the keeper said.

“He indicated that he appreciated the Ukip leader’s ‘brilliant monkeying around’.”

It’s unclear if the baboon has any ambition to stand as an MP for UKIP, but if so it would expect to be allowed at least seven goes like former leader Nigel Farage.

Mr Nuttall has already said he’s ‘up’ for six more attempts.

The keeper said that in his opinion the baboon could well ‘swing it’ if he stood against Douglas Carswell should UKIP want to try and unseat its only MP.

“He’d certainly have a much better chance than that Arron Banks,” the keeper said.

The baboon apparently regards Mr Banks as a ‘lower mammal – at the most’.

Sources claim that Paul Nuttall is said to be ready to re-admit the baboon to the party.

Nuttall explained that he was once the CEO of London Zoo, has a degree in zoology, and had spent six months in Africa living natively among the baboons.

“Of course, that’s where I honed my political skills,” he said.

He went on to say that the baboon should have no difficulties in passing UKIP’s current membership tests.

“UKIP is a broad church; we welcome mammals even from foreign countries.” He concluded.

It’s understood that the baboon resigned from UKIP some time ago over the party’s stance on bendy bananas.

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