Friday 3 March 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Piece of shit revolted to find Aaron Banks stuck to it


Shit has Aaron Banks stuck to it

A small piece of shit has told of its revulsion in finding that it had key UKIP donor Aaron Banks stuck on it.

It is understood that the piece of shit found the controversial Eurosceptic was stuck to it late yesterday afternoon.

“Well, it was disgusting,” said the piece of shit.

“You’re just sitting there on the edge of the path, minding your own business and slowly turning all white and crumbly and all of a sudden, without so much as a by your leave, you’ve got Aaron Banks stuck to the top of you.

“To be honest it makes me feel sick just thinking about it.”

The piece of shit told how it became an object of ridicule amongst other pieces of shit.

“Hurtful,” it said, tearfully.

“Hurtful is the only real word I can use to describe it. I mean, as pieces of shit, we’re not hugely well thought of in the community, so by and large we try and give each other support, you know?

“So to endure my peers and friends chanting ‘You’ve got Aaron Banks on you, you’ve got Aaron Banks on you,’ it was hurtful.”

Happily, the piece of shit has now had Aaron Banks removed and, following a thorough wash to remove all traces of the UKIP donor, will live out the rest of its days in a comfortable and well-appointed sewage treatment centre in Bridlington.

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