Thursday 2 March 2017 by Garth Apthomas

Obama to blame for me not being able to open jar of pickles, roars President Trump


Trump blames Obama

Barack Obama has been accused of masterminding a conspiracy preventing Donald Trump from opening a pickle jar.

Mr Trump made the claim at an emergency press conference which was convened at the White House in the early hours of this morning.

Brandishing the unopened jar of pickles as “conclusive evidence”, Mr Trump said: “Just one hour ago I tried to take the lid off this several times, but it was impossible.

“I remained calm and told myself it was a highly complex task that would take time to complete. But then suddenly I realised the truth. It was all Obama’s fault, he and his team of CIA black ops assassins were responsible for this chilling conspiracy.”

Mr Trump branded the incident “Picklegate” and went on to reveal it was just the latest atrocity which he had suffered at the hands of Mr Obama.

“Last week it rained heavily for two days, on Monday I had the sun in my eyes, and getting dressed for this press conference I couldn’t find my favourite tie. Coincidence? I think not – evil Obama’s behind it all.”

However, following Mr Trump’s claims, forensic tests were conducted on the jar which concluded it had not been tampered with.

Prof Simon Williams said, “The lid worked perfectly when I tried it. I can only think the complainer does not have hands big enough for the task.”

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