Wednesday 1 March 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Company that can deliver ice cream in an hour still hasn’t got round to their fucking taxes


Amazon tax bill

Amazon has its shit together enough to get ice cream to your door before it melts but can’t seem to work out a tax bill.

The enormous, massively successfully online retail giant has made an absolute mint out of doing things ridiculously quickly.

“Not our taxes though,” chuckled company accountant, Simon Williams.

“I mean yeah, we’ve paid some of them, just enough to make it look like we’re working on it. It’s the same strategy most of you use when you’re ‘working form home’, I imagine.

“0.25% tax is apparently enough to keep the important people at bay, so we’ll stick with that I reckon.

“Hey, don’t look at me like that, we can get some ice cream down your fat neck in an HOUR. I’ve no idea why you’re so ratty about this.”

Regular, non-twatty taxpayer, Jay Cooper, said, “I’m afraid I’m lactose intolerant, so that simply won’t wash with me.

“But I’ve just found some yummy almond milk that can be here in a flash, so I’ll let them off for now. NEXT time though, I’m burning their warehouse down.”

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