Monday 27 February 2017 by Gary Stanton

Rastamouse banned from entering the United States


Rastamouse refused entry to the United States

Non-Aryan rodent Rastamouse has been barred from the US until President Donald Trump can figure out exactly “wagwan”.

The ban on the kiddies’ favourite came into force after Trump extended the existing order to cover all-mouse reggae bands and UB40.

Rastamouse and his “bredren” Bandulu flew to the States courtesy of the Easy Jet Crew, with the intention of restoring racial harmony through mutual respect, love and understanding.

The mice had been alarmed by reports that a once great nation has chosen to solve its problems by building walls and encouraging people to urinate on each other.

But Trump has since branded them ‘bad dudes’ owing to their habit of chewing cables and leaving droppings behind furniture.

The pair were later detained at JFK airport, where an intimate body search revealed them to consist mostly of old socks.

Meanwhile, a mouse with a long track record of dangerous behaviour, carrying weapons and blowing things up was welcomed into the country with open arms, though border officials insisted that “it has absolutely nothing to do with Dangermouse being white.”

The list of prohibited terrorist hot spots, which features Syria, Yemen and Sudan, has now been extended to include Mouseland.

Rastamouse said, “Me only wanted to make a bad ting good.

“However, me hadn’t reckoned on President Trump being a total fucking spunk cannon.”

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