Wednesday 22 February 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Man still wondering why being on the property ladder is so important


Man not on property ladder

A man with a roof over his head and food to eat is wondering why it’s so vital he purchases a house.

Simon Williams, 30, lives in a pleasant, one-bedroom flat in Reading; a privilege which costs him an amount he can happily afford each month.

“But I don’t own it, so apparently that’s wank,” said a befuddled Williams.

“I’m still not sure I get it. I look at a lot of photos of poor people from around the globe – purely for pleasure, of course- and I’m constantly in awe of how much better off I am than them, often to the point of an erection.

“But that’s all null and void until I’ve tied myself into a loan that will last me the rest of my life, which sounds like the very opposite of fun.”

Simon’s mother said, “We are very disappointed in Simon.”

“Not only has he refused to get onto the property ladder, he also doesn’t even seem remotely bothered about it.

“There’s clearly something wrong with him; I blame myself for drinking so much gin during my pregnancy.”

Simon’s father said, “I don’t really care, as I’ve always been fairly sure he’s not my son, which is why I never sat him down to explain how important it is to own the deeds to a big pile of bricks.”

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