Friday 17 February 2017 by Davywavy

Satirists now held to higher standards than politicians


Satirists, politicians

People writing jokes on the Internet are now expected to be more accurate and honest than people running entire countries, we can reveal.

Whilst the writing of satire requires a constantly updated knowledge of news events, an understanding of global geopolitics, an ability to write under pressure and a thorough grounding in the rules of Warhammer, all you need to run a major first world nation is a short temper, an ignorance of basic science and an unwillingness to learn anything about it.

Satirists have complained that if they make something up that is completely divorced from reality they’ll get called out and slagged off from every side, whilst if a politician makes something up that’s completely divorced from reality they can put it on a bus and win a referendum.

Comedians also noted that if you discuss jokes publicly then someone will nick them in seconds flat, but if you hold national security meetings on a golf course there’s no chance at all the Russians might be listening.

“Let’s put it like this,” said online gag-writer Simon Williams.

“If I don’t write material that’s topical, entertaining and based on fundamental truths every day then I don’t get paid.

“But if you’re a senior politician who does fuck all except make jam, then thousands of people will queue up to defend you and say you’re the only decent person in the country.

“Politicians constantly criticise things they don’t like as ‘fake news’, but that’s a load of arse. Fake news is what I write, and they get a far easier ride when they make up stuff than when I do.”

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