Airport security guards have confirmed that Heavy, the new single by Linkin Park, contains no detectable metal whatsoever.
Master cuts for the record were brought through Los Angeles International Airport yesterday evening, and were passed through metal detectors several times in a desperate attempt to make them sound some sort of alarm, or at least acknowledge they were even there.
Airport security staff expressed surprise at the development, as their detectors are so finely calibrated they even got a ping off the Spice Girls on their reunion world tour.
“It was really weird,” airport security guard Simon Williams told us.
“We asked them if they’d mind passing the tapes through the metal detector and they all grinned and nudged each other in a ‘hey boys, here we go’ sort of way.
“When the machine failed to register their existence in any way whatsoever, they demanded to go through again and again before insisting it must be broken.
“The weird thing is that Mike Shinoda was wearing a solid steel belt buckle, but Heavy seems to exude such a strong anti-metal aura that it was actually cancelled out.”
Eventually, the machine got a reading after a copy of Iron Maiden’s Powerslave was included in the package, at which point the machine went bang and smoke came out.
When asked, Linkin Park said they had to follow their audience who are now in their thirties and forties and don’t want to wake the kids.