Friday 17 February 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Donald Trump bans all immigrants from La La Land


Donald Trump bans immigrants from La La Land

President Trump has identified the newest threat to his America.

The Terry’s Chocolate Orange what’s in charge of everything has banned immigrants and refugees from La La Land, claiming the culture’s constant singing, dancing and general good feeling are all a little bit fruity.

“They’re terrorists,” confirmed Donald Trump.

“I mean that. They are. They seek to terrorise us with supposedly catchy songs and tutti-frutti dance numbers. Well, not on my watch, folks.”

“If we’re going to make America great again then we have to make America safe again, and that’s not going to happen while that pretty-boy Ryan Gosling is telling our young men that it’s perfectly acceptable for them to sing and dance in public. It’s just not ok.”

La La Land spokesperson, Ryan Gosling, said, “It’s just a film, you big daft bastard.

“That being said, if anybody wants to help crowdfund a new country called La La Land and move there with me then I’m open to it at this point.”

Gosling’s crowdfund has so far amassed $6.3million in the opening thirty seconds, including a significant amount from men who are definitely straight but would still go anywhere Ryan told them to.

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