Wednesday 15 February 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Men out of the woods


Man valentines relief

Men nationwide are enjoying the relief of Valentine’s Day ending.

High-fives, fist-bumps and other tedious methods of celebrating were shared in offices around the country as men shared their pathetic stories of avoiding exposure as lacklustre romantic partners.

“I bought my wife some roses and a necklace,” beamed accounts manager, Simon Williams.

“They came to a total of £97.50, which is more or less what her love means to me.

“It’s a small price to pay to resume my usual lack of interest in her or our relationship. I’m looking forward to a well-earned game of golf this weekend, unless it’s her birthday AGAIN. That tends to crop up when I’ve got something more interesting planned.”

Account Executive, Elizabeth Morris, said, “yeah, my fella did alright I suppose.

“He gave me a Tiffany ring which was very similar to the one I actually wanted, which is about as much as I could have hoped for.

“And in return I wanked him off while he watched the Rugby, and then we had chips. So, yeah,  it was fine.”

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