Wednesday 15 February 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Debenhams becomes first UK retailer to be free of racist fuckwits


Debenhams

Debenhams has become the UK’s first racist-free store.

With the not-quite-as-good-as-House-of-Fraser shop beginning the retail sales of headscarves for Muslim women, everyone who reads the Daily Express has vowed to boycott the chain.

“And it’s bloody delightful,” beamed store manager, Simon Williams.

“We won’t have to overhear any more appalling conversations about how their kids’ primary school is ‘looking a bit too brown’ or how the neighbours all dress like they’re going to bed.

“They say worse, but I won’t repeat it, not in those hallowed halls.

“It’s just more pleasant in general; I’d liken the feeling to that of visiting a Waitrose for the first time having previously been a Tesco shopper.”

Racist, John Yates, said, “Bloody headscarves one day, wedding dresses for nine-year-olds the next, mark my words.

“That’s the way it goes, you know. One day you’re expanding your sales opportunities to new demographics, the next you’re planning weddings for paedophiles. It’s a logical step.”

Store manager Williams replied, “See what I mean? Awful.

“But thankfully we won’t be seeing racists in this store any longer.

“Now, if we could just do something about the bloody Welsh, this place would be knitwear heaven.”

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