Tuesday 14 February 2017 by Davywavy

Warhammer Valentines are the most romantic, say gamers


Warhammer valentines card

What women really want is a Valentine saying “Blood Angels are red, Ultramarines are Blue”, according to the nations’ wargamers today.

“Someone is a Heretic, and I think it is you” is the most popular follow-on line, although “Be my Slaaneshi cultist” is widely considered to express lustful thoughts pretty well.

One top-selling card depicts St Valentine wearing power armour and carrying a chain-axe with the caption “LOVE FOR THE LOVE GOD.”

Keen Warhammer player Simon Williams told us that he’d been up all night trying to think of the most romantic and touching poem possible for his girlfriend.

“It goes ‘My love is like some red, red gore
That’s spilled for Khorne, the god of war, 
My love is like a bolter shot into my breast
That blows a hole right through my chest’.”

“What woman could resist that, eh? None, that’s who. I’m totally getting some tonight, or my name isn’t Krangor the Soul-Reaver of Damnos.”

When asked, the girlfriend of a Warhammer player said the most romantic thing he could do would be to stop going on about his plastic toy soldiers for, like, five minutes for God’s sake, and instead concentrate on finishing that Goblin King costume like he’s been promising.

“The one with the leather jacket and tight trousers,” she clarified.

“Oooh, yes.”

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