Tuesday 14 February 2017 by Pete Redfern

Nation’s children to be sent to bed early so Mummy can hungrily lust over Tom Hardy in peace


Tom Hardy story time

Following the announcement that Tom Hardy will be reading the CBeebies bedtime story this evening, mothers nationwide are reportedly adapting their children’s bedtime routine to ensure they get to have the heartthrob all to themselves.

It is understood that every mother in the land will be getting the kids tucked up in bed nice and early, so that they can drink in the sight of the famous actor and soak in his smooth, rich voice for ten minutes of escapist bliss.

Mother of three Eleanor Gay could barely contain her excitement, telling reporters “When Tom read the bedtime story on New Year’s Eve, I made the mistake of letting the kids stay up to watch it, which was awkward to say the least, as I spent the whole ten minutes wanting to tear his clothes off, throw him on a bed and ravage him.

“This time, my kids will dosed up with Calpol and in bed by half six on the dot. My hubby will probably have forgotten it is Valentine’s Day and will be down the pub, so this will be the perfect way to treat myself.”

Dreamily, she continuedm “I don’t even care what the story is about, I just need to gaze into those gorgeous eyes and marvel at those big, broad shoulders whilst I imagine him reading me the story lying naked next to me.”

Practically drooling, she added, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and get some batteries for, um, something, er, personal.”

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