Tuesday 14 February 2017 by Oxbridge

Maybe I’m being thick, says thick person about to say something extremely thick


Maybe I'm being thick but

Simon Williams, a town councillor at Curry Mallet in Somerset, has just prefaced his latest inane observation in the middle of a debate on a planning application with ‘Maybe I’m being thick, but…’, it has emerged.

Williams, a disastrously bigoted and unpleasant man who only got elected to the town council in 2015 because the other candidate forgot to submit his papers on time, has prefaced about 40% of his interventions in this way, only to prove it every single time.

“Maybe I’m being thick, but I don’t see anything on this map about social housing,” Williams has just added.

The town clerk is now about to spend the next ten seconds explaining that this is because the term is a generic one that is not used in technical documents, as has been explained to him at most of the planning meetings in the past two years.

This follows other examples of entirely correct self-deprecation over the past two months on issues including whether funds had already been voted through for a new play area, plans for refurbishing a bus stop and a grant for the local Cub Scouts.

“Given that we live in the age of Alternative Facts and Fake News, it has occurred to me that maybe Simon is indulging himself by playing a spoof comedy character who pretends not to know exactly how thick he is, but is, in reality, highly self-aware,” said fellow councillor Adrian Campbell-Myers, miming at slashing his own wrists.

“Unfortunately, he’s really too thick to manage a bluff, never mind a double bluff.

“The thick, thick twat.”

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