Friday 10 February 2017 by Roy Bland

Vicar’s daughter well on the way to eternal damnation, claim theologians


Theresa May on way to Hell

A sixty-year-old vicar’s daughter from Oxfordshire is well on the way to Hell and eternal damnation, according to top theologians today.

The woman is said to have recently slammed her vicarage door on a multitude of young children in desperate need of comfort and succour.

Although the woman has the misleading appearance of a kindly overworked headmistress, theologians claim she is guilty of numerous transgressions of the Christian religion.

“She has recently supped with a very bad man, a bad dude,’ said one leading churchman.

“A bad man. A bad person. Terrible. Evil. So bad.”

The woman is said to have had ‘close physical contact’ with the ‘dude’.

It is also claimed that the woman has given succour to a very bad Arab guilty of bringing suffering and starvation to tens of thousands of people in exchange for pieces of silver and gold.

The woman has also supped with a Turkish tyrant guilty of imprisoning tens of thousands of his fellow countrymen.

“This woman should not be confused with Saint Thérèse of Lisieux, or Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus and the Holy Face,” the theologian said.

“Although a vicar’s daughter, this woman is a very nasty party indeed, very nasty, and rightly deserves to burn in the Fires of Hell.

“Amen.”

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