Friday 10 February 2017 by Lucas Wilde

NHS patients waiting up to five hours to thump Jeremy Hunt


Jeremy Hunt NHS punching

Waiting times for decking Jeremy Hunt have reached record levels.

As the NHS’ problems continue to grow, so too has the desire to physically assault the so-called Health Secretary.

“It’s a disgrace,” said NHS patient, Simon Williams.

“I’ve been waiting outside the bastard’s house with a knuckle duster and a bottle of scotch for two hours now.

“Other people arrived AFTER me with what I’m sure are far less serious desires to stick one on Mr Hunt and they were seen ahead of me. The whole system is a mess.”

Serial hypochondriac, Elizabeth King, said, “I’m here because I googled my issues with the NHS and it told me the best cure was to punch Jeremy Hunt in the face.

“That’s why I’m in this 68-person queue to thump the health minister. Can’t be too careful. I had a cold a few weeks ago and went to A&E; that’s just how careful I am.”

A spokesperson for Mr Hunt said, “Much like the NHS, Mr Hunt has fallen to his knees and is struggling to get up.

“He simply can’t cope with the demand placed on him by NHS patients, a lot of whom don’t actually need to punch him in the face, however much they might think otherwise.

“We would like to stress to the public that they should only seek to punch Jeremy Hunt in the face if it is absolutely necessary.

“For minor complaints, they should visit their GP’s surgery where a dartboard and a photo of the health minister will be provided.”

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