Friday 10 February 2017 by Freddie Dysart

Madonna to adopt Jeremy Corbyn


Madonna to adopt Jeremy Corbyn

As speculation rises about Jeremy Corbyn’s future as Labour leader, a glimmer of hope has manifested itself in the form of pop superstar and serial adopter, Madonna.

It has been alleged in several news outlets that Madonna is planning to extend her portfolio of beleaguered, impoverished and endangered wards with the Labour leader.

Experts agree there can be few people more in need of rescuing at the minute than the perennially under fire, Leader of the Opposition.

Madonna told reporters, “I see it as my moral duty to help those less fortunate than myself, those who are suffering oppression in countries destined for disaster.

“Jeremy is in grave peril at the minute- not only in the form of predation from his natural enemies in UKIP, but also from his former allies.

“Civil wars always cause the most suffering for the weak and innocent, like Jeremy.

“My family is an eclectic mix of adoptees and biological children of different origins, but one notable omission has been a late middle-aged, skinny, bearded white man. What a beautiful contrast he will make to my Malawian twins.

Plus, my accountant can write off the expense as an investment and help defer capital gains tax – though of course, that’s not my primary motivation.”

We asked Labour spokesperson, Tori Rouge if the Parliamentary Party would be willing to relinquish responsibility for Mr Corbyn, they told us, “Oh God, please yes! Anything or anyone, just take him!”

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