Thursday 9 February 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Waiting in A&E ‘no longer fun’


All of the joy has been sucked out of waiting in an emergency room.

With wait times nudging the seven-year mark, the novelty and chuckle-value of waiting to be looked at by a doctor before being told to man up and go home has decreased dramatically.

“I swear there used to be a pinball machine in here,” grumbled Simon Williams, who “fell backward” onto the cucumber stuck in his bottom.

“Coming to A&E used to be a brief respite from the outside world. You could turn your phone off and it would be fine because you were in hospital and you had to turn your phone off otherwise all the heart monitors would burst into flames.

“But now the pinball machines are gone and you’re allowed your phone on which means my wife can call and ask why the cucumber is missing from the fridge.

“And the vending machines are rubbish; they used to be free.”

NHS spokesperson, Jay Cooper, said, “I think Mr Williams has confused us with his local bowling alley.”

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