Wednesday 8 February 2017 by Davywavy

Jeremy Corbyn to start his own Labour party with blackjack and hookers


Jeremy Corbyn

If the Labour Party don’t want him then he’ll start his own, better one, Jeremy Corbyn has suggested this morning.

His new party, which definitely won’t be called New Labour, will be better in every way than the rubbish smelly old one which you can keep as he never wanted it anyway.

Rumours going round Westminster indicate that Corbyn has already given close aides a date when he will quit as leader of the party, although he’s asked them to be flexible as he can’t be 100% certain when his new treehouse will be finished.

The party, which will all the cool kids will want to join, will have lots of great policies and voters and a pool table and a machine which sells non-harmful Coke alternatives.

New members will be given a password which they will have to say before being allowed to climb up into the super-secret clubhouse in the large apple tree.

“Jeremy has been very unhappy at some of the feedback he’s been getting, mainly shouted through his shed window when he’s been making jam,” a Westminster insider told us.

“He was so upset and distracted by one comment about Brexit that he almost ruined a batch of Damson Preserve.

“So he’s going to start a much cooler, much better Labour Party, which is fun and nice and nobody asks difficult questions like ‘Where are you?’ and ‘What the fuck are you doing?’.”

When asked, Jeremy Corbyn denied that he planned to start his own party, and instead just planned to quit and run as leader again because he enjoys it so much.

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