Tuesday 7 February 2017 Charlie Chapman

Trump to build ark in preparation for “Great Flood of Syrian refugees”


Trump plans Ark

Following the suspension of Donald Trump’s travel ban, the President has begun constructing an ark big enough to protect the entire US populace from what he has described as, “the Great Flood of Syrian refugees”.

Addressing the nation, White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer, informed reporters, “They will come in waves over a dispersed period of time.

“At first in their dozens, possibly even hundreds; crashing down on our 320 million fellow Americans until we are fully submerged by them. An Ark is our only means of survival.”

In a later televised transmission, Trump warned that the intense screening, rigorous background checks and subsequent vetting process required to grant even a single refugee asylum can happen within “as little 18 months”.

He added, “They’ll hit our shores and it’ll be so bad. Lots of people are saying it. They’re coming here to drown us. It’ll be terrible.”

Spicer later clarified, “What President Trump is saying is that having all these Syrian refugees come over here means the lungs of ordinary hard-working Americans will fill with water until they are dead. He was very clear with the American people on this point.”

Trump later tweeted: “My Ark will save us, I will make America float again!”

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