Monday 6 February 2017 by Neil Tollfree

New law will require changing rooms to have special area for naked old men with big dangly balls


Old Man gym

New legislation to be introduced in 2017 will dictate that all changing rooms in gyms, swimming pools and Marks and Spencers must have a dedicated area for old naked old men with big dangly balls.

Initially, this will only apply to new constructions, but within five years, all changing rooms will be expected to comply.

“It is becoming increasingly clear that more and more naked old men with big dangly balls are using changing rooms,” said Minister for changing rooms; Simon Williams.

“As such, we wish to accommodate them – and their big dangly balls.”

Mr Williams went on to say how these new changing areas would differ from standard male changing rooms.

“Well, there’ll be plenty of mirrors so the naked old men can be sure that everyone sees their big dangly balls, and little platforms for smaller naked old men to stand on to ensure their big dangly balls are at eye-height to anyone sitting down.

“There will also be knee-high Dyson drying machines to allow for convenient blow drying of big dangly balls.”

Naked old men with big dangly balls seemed enthusiastic.

“Splendid news,” exclaimed naked old man with big dangly balls Derek Sextoy.

“It’s a relief to know that I finally have a place to go where I’m free to parade around naked with my big dangly balls out without fear of persecution.”

In an interesting historical footnote, it is understood that when the Queen announces plans to introduce the bill in the state opening of Parliament in May, it will actually be the second time she has used the phrase ‘big dangly balls’ during a speech.

The first being her moving tribute to former Prime Minister Harold MacMillan on his death in 1986.

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